‘When the Rondo’s rockin’, don’t bother knockin’

There is no such thing as a minivan. I grew up with vans in the ’70s, great big hulking boxes on wheels, which we called vans with great affection.

A van was also known as a party on wheels or a “sin bin,” for good reason. Everyone loved a van. The vehicle that’s being passed off as a minivan by today’s standards is not miniature by any stretch of the imagination — it’s huge.

The Kia Rondo is also a good size, but it’s not a van. Kia calls it an “urban utility vehicle,” which is a nice way of saying it’s useful for getting around and you can carry lots of stuff. That’s true, but if it walks like a duck and looks like a duck, it’s a duck. Unless, of course, it’s a Cormorant, which has a lot of duck-like features, but is a different bird altogether.

We could also say the Rondo is a larger-than-average, five-door hatchback. It’s essentially in a class by itself based on size and function, and available with a 162-horsepower, 2.4-litre four-cylinder engine or a 182-horsepower, 2.7-litre V-6 engine in seven different trim levels and capable of five- or seven-passenger seating.

It has the distinction of being the most affordable seven-passenger vehicle in North America. If it was slightly smaller there’s a chance it would handle like a car, but no, it handles like a van. I suppose it would have to feel like that, being larger than small and smaller than large. Ah, but it is a sweet non-van and every bit deserving of the full, 1970s custom treatment. I’m surprised that kids these days haven’t yet embraced larger vehicles as much as we did, back in the day. An affordable makeover for a Rondo would transform it from a family vehicle into a “members only” establishment on the weekend.

First, the windows would have to be tinted to provide enough background for the side murals. One of the most common themes of the old “sin bin” was a barely fur-clad, voluptuous cave woman brandishing a sword astride a sabre-tooth tiger. I have no idea why. Perhaps it gave the impression of a travelling circus. There never was nor shall there ever be a sabre-tooth tiger in Newfoundland and Labrador except on the side of a customized vehicle.

But I digress. With the seats folded down and a hefty span of four-inch thick, blue shag carpet, you basically have a rec room. Plug in a flat-screen television, a game system, park it anywhere and hang out.

Your new address is number 2008 Kia Rondo Drive, NL. Slap on a bumper sticker that says “When the Rondo’s rockin’, don’t bother knockin’.” That’s why it’s called shag carpet.

The ’70s obviously had a lasting influence on me and part of that was the ability to recognize the potential of larger vehicles. To me, they’re either party machines or work horses. While a Rondo wouldn’t be an ideal vehicle for hauling a few cords of firewood, it would still make a great mobile unit for just about any tradesman.

Even with a load of tools and materials stowed in back they wouldn’t inflict as much wear and tear as a couple of kids. Let’s face it, a vehicle has got to be tough to withstand a growing family, which is the original intention of the Kia Rondo.

All my fanciful notions of a teenage hangout, resplendent with murals and entertainment will remain unfulfilled. It’s a vehicle meant to lure drivers away from larger, less fuel-efficient modes of transportation. Part of the attraction is the price and the no-nonsense website. I do a lot of vehicle research and invariably wind up on corporate websites for vital statistics. The Kia website had the usual new-model showroom and a build and price option, but what impressed me the most was the payment schedule. Not many dealership sites are that accommodating. With a couple of clicks on the variable lease or loan durations all the monthly payments were displayed. There’s no surprises or number crunching with Kia. Click on the model you like and there’s your payment. It’s a product that sells itself.

The bottom line: the Kia Rondo starts at $19,995 up to $26,095.



Mark Wood of Portugal Cove-St. Philip’s would be more than happy to hang out in a custom Rondo.

 

1	Public Notice (7/21/2008)
2	Oil versus electric (7/2/2008)
3	‘Musical miracle’ (7/19/2008)
4	Spark re-ignited (7/12/2008)
5	Biker chic (7/12/2008)
6	‘When the Rondo’s rockin’, don’t bother knockin’ (7/19/2008)
7	The lazy, hazy days of cub camp (7/5/2008)
8	What are Newfoundlanders smoking? (7/19/2008)
9	The flying Fisheries ministers (7/12/2008)
10	Onward and upward (7/12/2008)
	view the complete news list »

1	Public Notice (7/21/2008)
2	‘Musical miracle’ (7/19/2008)
3	‘When the Rondo’s rockin’, don’t bother knockin’ (7/19/2008)
4	What are Newfoundlanders smoking? (7/19/2008)
5	Pogey paranoia (7/19/2008)
6	Greek surgeon says seals may be harvested for organs (7/19/2008)
7	Signing off … again (7/19/2008)
8	Jonesing for ... (7/19/2008)
9	Rocket man (7/17/2008)
10	Jump, dive and whale (7/17/2008)
	view the complete news list »